yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
third nipple confirmed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
