Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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