is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
