she looked like the before picture.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
