why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
