apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
