i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
