I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
