How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
