dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
