Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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