I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
