True but thats because hes a fetus.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
