Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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