Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
