I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
