I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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