Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
