and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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