I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
