she was so not down for the gang bang
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
