he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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