And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
false alarm, still single
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
