My first STD was from a foam party
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
