peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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