I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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