I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Someone shattered a urinal.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I love you.
Bad choice
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