You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
