We're facebook friends in real life
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Are we still banned from the library?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize