Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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