If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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