Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
