worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
