Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
