I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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