She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
