Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
