Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize