i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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