I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I love having hate sex.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
