I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize