Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
