she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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