Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
