SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
