So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
