Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My penis needs a shock collar
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
