I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
