When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
