I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
