I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
