kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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