god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
