Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
