So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
