He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My nipple is on Facebook.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
