i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
