you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
