I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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