I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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