what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
