Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
