fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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