You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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