There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
