the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
