i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
