so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
