Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
